Writing Sex Scenes

Question

"I hate to sound so forthright, but is there any special rule to writing sex scenes? Is it possible to overdo it, or underdo it? How graphic should you be with the words, should you hold back a little? Just going through the process of writing one and want to get it right."

- Anthony Jury, Bunbury, Australia

Answer

Hi Anthony,

Funnily enough, putting together a section on writing sex scenes in novels is one of the items on my (very long) "to do" list. I'll get to it later in the year (2010), but in the meantime this reply should at least give you a few pointers.

The amount of sex that you include in a novel, and the way that you describe it, is initially determined by the type of novel you are writing.

• If you are writing a very strict genre of fiction - romantic fiction, say - the conventions of that genre will determine how much sex to include (if any) and how vivid (or otherwise) it should be.

• With mainstream or literary fiction, you can please yourself - though always remember when writing sex scenes that they should be there for a reason (principally, to enhance our understanding of the characters and/or to advance the plot).

That's the first thing. The second thing is that you face two broad choices when writing sex scenes:

1. To write graphically
2. To write implicitly

There is nothing wrong with writing about sex in a graphic way, though it is notoriously difficult to pull off...

• The first danger is that the scene can read more like pornography than quality fiction.

• Alternatively, it can sound ridiculous, particularly when the writer, in an effort not to sound pornographic, resorts to euphemisms like "love rod" for penis or "fleshy pillows" for breasts.

My best advice, then, when writing sex scenes, is to be light-handed with the descriptions. Give the readers enough information for them to know what is happening, but not so much that they can't use their imaginations. (What we imagine, as readers, is often far more erotic than the actuality, anyway.)

For the most part, aim to write sex scenes in a novel implicitly. You can do this either by ending the scene early, just when the act of making love itself is getting underway, or by describing not the mechanics of the act but something else entirely.

Let's look at those two options in more detail...

Ending the scene early means making the camera stop rolling at the bedroom door, just like they do in old Hollywood movies. I have done something like that in my current novel. From memory, the scene concludes something like this:

"She kissed his lips and unfastened the top button on his shirt. Then the second button. She didn't stop there."

And that is it. The reason I didn't write that particular sex scene was that it wasn't pivotal to the plot. I simply suggested what was about to take place, then cut to the next morning, when the couple are sharing breakfast. The readers can imagine what went on for themselves.

The other option is to present the whole scene to the readers, but instead of describing the sex itself - the "who does what to whom" of it - describing something else entirely.

You could, for example, describe what the viewpoint character is thinking. So if a sex scene is the culmination of a long and difficult courtship, the scene might go something like this:

"John thought of the first time he had seen Charlotte, standing outside the bar looking so alone. He thought of that first date, when they had both been so scared, and of the endless week that followed, wondering if she would ever call him. He thought..."

And so on. You can make it clear in the writing that the couple are about to make love, by showing them undressing each other. But when we reach the nitty-gritty, as it were, concentrate on the main character's thoughts, not his actions - an arguably more interesting choice.

Here, you could even make the rhythm of the prose mirror the rhythm of the sex - long and unhurried sentences turning to shorter, more frantic ones as the scene nears its climax. Then a final long sentence of release.

What else could you focus on when writing sex scenes if you don't describe the actual sex?

• If a couple are having an affair, you could focus on the guilt the viewpoint character feels. While her lover does the deed, she could think about what her husband is doing right now - putting the kids to bed, preparing dinner, laying the table...

• If the couple are under age, you could have the boy focus not on the pleasure of his bodily parts connecting with his girlfriend's bodily parts, but on the sounds drifting in through the window - in particular, the possible sound of the girl's parents returning unexpectedly.

• If the couple are on the downslope in their marriage, you could have the wife describe the peeling wallpaper and the cracked ceiling - symbols of both her boredom and of the decaying state of their relationship.

The possibilities are endless. It all depends on the specifics of your novel and what mood you want to create with the sex scene. One of passion? Eroticism? Guilt?

Just as sex itself is made more interesting with a little imagination, so too is writing about sex...

• How about writing a sex scene purely in dialogue?

• How about a comedic scene, in which the character's sole preoccupation is trying not to kill the mood by breaking wind?

• How about a sex scene in which the characters get the giggles?

It isn't a question of being prudish by deciding not to concentrate on the sex act itself. It is about what is right for the story you are telling. And the admission, too, that writing sex scenes explicitly is difficult to do without sounding cheap or unintentionally funny.

As always, Anthony, there are no rules in novel writing - except the one that says always trust your own judgement.

Harvey